Of decisions and faith...

Sometimes the path you are on is not as important as the direction you are heading towards

It is not easy, let me assure you, for me to face people when they confront me with the dreaded question "After engineering..LAW??" The best of my repartees and wits fail before this query and I somehow unjustifiably feel hit below the belt. I really don't have a convincing explaination and I have tried a variety of them and each time they have failed to satisfy even me.

Does that mean I made a wrong decision? No would still be my answer and with ever more conviction and not with even a shred of false pride. My detractors would now ask if I cannot convince myself about a decision then how can I continue to stand by it only for the sake of it. I really don't have an answer to that too but I feel there are some things best left to stand the test of time, to be ultimately judged by the results. I believe it is not always the action, which can be categorically termed right or wrong in the absolute sense of the words. When an action evolves from a deep rooted faith in the heart it is both difficult to explain its cause and would be grossly unfair to judge it. They can only be in retrospect either criticised or appreciated based on the results they produce and not on the basis of the action in isolation itself.

I find solace in newspapers when I read about Mother Teresa having once gone through the stage where she felt a loss of faith, but as the papers further added this only made her resolve to follow the path of God and faith even stronger. I feel that is what I am going through. I also draw inspiration from Steve Jobs of Apple fame. Many decisions in his life which seemed erratic and careless at that time led to make him the legend that he's become. While delivering his commencement speech to the graduates of Stanford University in 2005, he articulates the turning points in his life and in the end gives his hallmark message to stay poor stay hungry .

Maybe, many people would feel (and not say to my face) that under the garb of a strong conviction I am foolishly hanging on to a wrong decision and that my ego or false pride is not allowing me to make amends till there is still time. But I feel even if that is true I am learning to honour my decisions because only then others would respect them. The day I retract from my decision would be the day I would feel like a coward and more than anything I'll lose faith in myself which would be the day of my harakiri.