Thank you sweetheart

Girl friend (noun): Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

I wonder why people are afraid of getting into a relationship and committing themselves. I strongly disagree with those who say that making a girl friend or boy friend in the sense of committing oneself is like writing your own death warrant. Statements like "ye to gaya kam se...ab to barbad ho gaya" etc etc become common place once somebody begins to have an affair. It is conveniently presumed, wrongly though, that a person becomes careless and irresponsible and will divert and digress from his path or lose focus; but these are all groundless speculations and are very rarely true.

I personally believe that committing to somebody is the best way to become responsible and matured in life. It teaches you so many things. I am indebted to my sweetheart for bearing me so far throughout our relationship, which has actually made me a better person and transformed me into a responsible man from a careless lad (to what extent and to what level of satisfaction is a complex issue and I will not dwell into that for the time being!!).

For starters, I have surely become more responsible. I make sure I sms my gf a Good morning and a Goodnight msg everyday!! Also when I know I'm going to become unavailable on phone for the next few hours or so (specially when I am going off to sleep) I leave a msg so that the noble heart doesn't get anxiety attacks on my not responding to her calls.

I have actually managed to memorise her birthday along with the birthday of her mummy, papa, bhaiya, dada, bua and a number of her friends (Though I must admit I am still struggling hard with the birthdays of her chacha, chachi, bade mama, badi mami, chote mama, choti mami and not to forget her cousins). I now also remember all our anniversaries and that reminds me today it has been exactly 11 months since my sweetheart proposed to me and I accepted (I don't know why she keeps on insisting that it was the other way round). Happy 11 month Anniversary Dear Other than above I also manage to remember which are the days madam has tests, presentations and/or assignment submissions so that I can wish her luck.

Enough of remembering dates, if you people have started to feel that my relationship has only turned me into the "Scheduler Application" of a cell phone then there is more. I have started listening to people now. My relationship has definitely taught me how important it is to listen to what your girlfriend is speaking and that no matter how good you are at putting up a pretense, you would invariably be caught by a question like What yes yes!! You are not listening...tell me what did i just say?? and then you've had it. I have learnt that God has given man one mouth and two ears so that he could listen to the woman more and speak less; and that while the woman also has got only one mouth, but she has been provided with two ears of her boyfriend as well so that she can be heard and two ears of her own to hang earrings which her boyfriend has bought for her for his own pleasure and satisfaction.

Another transformation in me is that I have become more considerate. I now normally don't reply "So what do I do" or "You take rest..am going" if somebody now tells me that he's not feeling well or is upset. My relationship has taught me that not only are these remarks rude, crude, uncouth and despicable but that they could be fatal at times as well.

I know by now you would have got a glimpse of the brand new Harsh Singh but I am tempted to divulge more and since this is my blog you can not do a thing to stop me. So here I go....I now reply to mails checking them more often. It is not like earlier days now that an e card sent to me would go in the trash can unopened. I have now understood the importance of replying to a card, preferably with a card in return.

I have started appreciating romantic things in life, for eg mushy songs like "Teri Yadein", "Beete lamhe", etc etc. And of course not to forget flowers!! I now feel such an attraction for them that even if I have to suffer a loss of Rs 10/- per stem of a flower I happily undergo the sacrifice. I have also started reading novels by Nicholas Sparks and I feel I can now identify with girls better as all of them seem to have read all his works (though I must admit that the Sparks character is fairly not as popular among guys..I wonder why?).

How can I not tell you that I have become less lazy. I can now sit down and write long mails, longer letters and of course voluminous testimonials and blogs on demand or otherwise. I am also learning to suppress my sleep and stay up till late to talk to (or listen to..whatever!) my girlfriend all through the night. I am now able to drag myself to shops to buy birthday gifts and other presents for different occasions.

Although the list is endless I would just add one more side effect of my relationship that has changed me for better. I have understood that cigarette smoking is actually injurious to health and almost devastating for a relationship although a couple of pegs now and then is okay as it helps in going on endlessly praising one's better half and sing glories about the unending and infinite love, without having the knowledge or guilt of lying (:P)

I love you sweetheart!!

What's happening..

Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

Dear Myself,

I really don't know whats happening to you!! It is just that you have suddenly become someone else; or has it been a gradual change - you

don't know nor do you know whether you want to know! I know your confessing to this strange phenomena of not knowing so many things at a time, after having put a claim to know everything, is going to tarnish your reputation among believers and detractors who humor you just for the sake of it. The formers may feel betrayed and the latter would feel as if they have hit a jackpot to snub you henceforth! But you still chose to do it and I am O.K. with it or rather I have now accepted things that you unwittingly do specially after your Reliance stint when you decided to make "taking bold steps" a hobby.

It is not that my concern for your new avtaar is not well founded. I had started getting hints when madam started commenting on how you have changed within an year. At first I thought that it is just a habit among lady bosses to say like that for their slave boyfriends (sic). But when the comments persisted and refused to die of their own accord, I sat up to take serious note of them. I realised that most (I am being generous here) of them were actually true. You have become peevish, arrogant and highly unpredictable. Your carelessness which earlier actually seemed "soooooo shweeet & sooooo cute" have now crossed all limits of endurance! And your ego is about to burst any time now considering the amount you have inflated it.

The next hint came when the occasional introspector from east expressed her opinion over your dictions in her comment wherein she euphemistically expressed her disappointment over not finding enough caustic wit characterstic of you, which I know, you are now incapable of churning out anymore. Another thing that I am still to understand, (which was also pointed out to you by a very good friend of a very good friend) that is how and when did you decide to take another "bold step" and chose to become a Devil's Alternative from being its antithesis!!

I knew things had actually gone out of hands when I saw you writing nostalgia and sniffing about it. This new effeminate aspect of yours is despicable. Writing about your loss of faith and your dilemmas shows signs of weakness in you which you must now overcome.

I know you and I are friends and have known each other ever since we existed. I would have loved to stand by you and support you in this moment of identity crisis but I guess I would be failing in my duty if I did not take the other side and warn you to you mend your ways.

Hope you'll take note.

Your Inner Voice!

An era gone by

Time stops for a while and everything seems as it once used to be; I hold back my steps and cherish the moment. After all it is not everyday that it is yesterday once again.

Today was one of those erratic days at Golf when you create a miracle of sorts by getting a shot right! Exhausted after playing 9 holes of inexhaustible terrible shots, I was about to leave in a mood that'd have matched that of CPI (M) et al if the nuclear (unclear??) deal were to go through when I saw a very close friend of my grandfather's younger brother sitting in the club house. He's a regular golfer and a very reputed doctor and surgeon.

As courtesy calls for I went and paid my regards after introducing myself as his friend's grandson. The way his eyes twinkled with joy stopped me from turning around and leaving and my legs got fixed to the ground. I did not know what to do and all I could manage was to smile and sit down.

The elderly gentleman with a deliberate and seasoned voice began to recount the days he spent with his friend, my grandfather's younger brother (whom I shall now refer to as my grandfather only). When he started I almost cursed the day, surrendered to my fate of sitting and listening to a long discourse on "those were the days" kind of banter which usually the oldies indulge in.

However, within a minute I was captivated by what he was saying and it appeared as if he could actually visualise in motion picture what he was narrating to me. He began with 1950's and recalled how he, my grandfather and another common friend of theirs used to sit for hours together and share jokes over endless cups of teas. Both my grandfather and the common friend are no more, the latter having died in 1972 itself while my grandfather expired three years back. He recounted leaving for America in the late 50's for higher studies and returning only to settle in Banaras in the 70's. When their common friend was breathing his last in a hospital in Patna, he recalled driving all the way from Banaras to Patna through the night to meet him. But by the time he arrived the friend had slipped into unconsciousness and then in a couple of hours passed away in sleep. His eyes almost became moist recalling the last tea session when the trio had together way back in 1959.

With eyes gazing into past he said that 50 years have gone by and much has changed. 50 years is a long time in the transformation of a nation, he added, and it is almost like an era in an individual's life.

He similarly recalled operating upon my grandfather an year before his death. The operation theatre was the last time he saw my grandfather and even there he could not get to talk to him as my grandfather was sedated.

He suddenly went back to his childhood. He said he was about 10-11 years old when Mahatama Gandhi launched the Quit India movement on the 09th of August 1942. He said even at that tender age he and his friends could feel the passion and excitement which had swept through all of India. Some of his friends and he went and hoisted the Indian tricolor in the school premises. Later in the evening police came from the Dariyapur Police Station to arrest the Principal. On getting the news all the students gheraoed the policemen. Seeing that they were outnumbered, the police pleaded the students to allow them to discharge their duties with the promise to discharge their Headmaster the next morning, and the next day they kept their words. However, within a week riot of sorts broke out and a lot of govt. property was burnt down, police and people clashed, many people were detained and many more went missing never to be found again.

He said Gandhi and all were fine at their place, its o.k. now to speak about how we attained our freedom through non violence, but he asserted, freedom was not free of bloodshed. Passionately he went on to tell me how our generation would never be able to appreciate independence in the spirit befitting of it.

Coming back to the present almost as if snapping out of a dream he angrily condemned the Communist party, accusing them of sabotaging India's future at the behest of their pro China ideology. He also criticised the current Govts. contrasting them with the earlier determined lots like the ones headed by people like Jawahar Lal Nehru and Lal Bahadur Shastri who really wanted to do something for the nation.

In the end he nostalgically added how he misses his friends and what he would not give to relive those days when he used to sit and share jokes with his friends over tea- An era of his life that has now gone by but etched in his memory to remain with him forever. His disconnected but flowing thoughts compelled me to author this blog and share his life with everybody. I am sure I'll be reading this blog time and again with a cup of tea in my hand!

Errrr..

I somehow feel so low today and the worst part is I don't know why. Help me explore:

Maybe it is due to the excess sleep that I am indulging in during the Pooja vacations, something I am not very used to of late!! Or, wait a minute am i feeling low because I now no longer feel the appetite for my favourite time pass - Sleeping!!

I would like to believe that this mood swing is caused by the movies Butterfly Effect and The Notebook that I saw in the last two days, the latter based on a novel by Nicholas Sparks and a favourite of my sweetheart. I have this uncanny habit of going into a trance after watching a movie with a sweet sad ending (the only reason I like Sholay, which I otherwise felt to be rather long and boring, was because it had a sad ending..sob sob!!). Ofcourse movies like Notebook (the novel surprisingly I did not find as engrossing) bring back old memories, the kinds with which you don't know what to do - One knows one would be better off forgetting them but then the temptation of cherishing them all one's life is too big to resist. Its like a hangover caused after 6 pegs of whiskey and my friends from college know what 2 pegs do to me.

I know it cannot be because of the fact that after playing an excellent round of Golf in the first 7 holes (2 pars and 2 birdies), I screwed up my score in the last two holes by playing shots befitting of a 36 handicapper! Nor because I was not able to play good Tennis later in the afternoon.

I know it would make my Sweetheart really filled with joy if I attribute the reason of my sadness to her being away to here nani's place in Ambala because of which we haven't been able to talk lately, but in all honestly I somehow know it is at best only a part reason to my misery. Or to look at it in another way the fact that I am writing all that has happened in the last two days, as an excuse to explore the reason(s) for my feeling down, is because my sweetheart is incommunicado atleast for the time being.

The most probable explanation ocould be that I am now accustomed to hard Work, and vacations like these are a big dampener of my spirit to keep working hard. What is difficult about this routine of working hard in LLB is that the gestation period is a little too long (3 years) for comfort. I just hope time proves true to its character and flies fast enough so that I move from this phase of uncertainty to certainty. Though, I know I should not complain as I have been responsible for all the choices that I have made.

Anyways with issues identified I am a step closer to resolving my predicament. Wish me luck!! Till then have a happy and auspicious Eid-Ul-Fitr and a prosprous Dusshehra.

Of decisions and faith...

Sometimes the path you are on is not as important as the direction you are heading towards

It is not easy, let me assure you, for me to face people when they confront me with the dreaded question "After engineering..LAW??" The best of my repartees and wits fail before this query and I somehow unjustifiably feel hit below the belt. I really don't have a convincing explaination and I have tried a variety of them and each time they have failed to satisfy even me.

Does that mean I made a wrong decision? No would still be my answer and with ever more conviction and not with even a shred of false pride. My detractors would now ask if I cannot convince myself about a decision then how can I continue to stand by it only for the sake of it. I really don't have an answer to that too but I feel there are some things best left to stand the test of time, to be ultimately judged by the results. I believe it is not always the action, which can be categorically termed right or wrong in the absolute sense of the words. When an action evolves from a deep rooted faith in the heart it is both difficult to explain its cause and would be grossly unfair to judge it. They can only be in retrospect either criticised or appreciated based on the results they produce and not on the basis of the action in isolation itself.

I find solace in newspapers when I read about Mother Teresa having once gone through the stage where she felt a loss of faith, but as the papers further added this only made her resolve to follow the path of God and faith even stronger. I feel that is what I am going through. I also draw inspiration from Steve Jobs of Apple fame. Many decisions in his life which seemed erratic and careless at that time led to make him the legend that he's become. While delivering his commencement speech to the graduates of Stanford University in 2005, he articulates the turning points in his life and in the end gives his hallmark message to stay poor stay hungry .

Maybe, many people would feel (and not say to my face) that under the garb of a strong conviction I am foolishly hanging on to a wrong decision and that my ego or false pride is not allowing me to make amends till there is still time. But I feel even if that is true I am learning to honour my decisions because only then others would respect them. The day I retract from my decision would be the day I would feel like a coward and more than anything I'll lose faith in myself which would be the day of my harakiri.