An era gone by

Time stops for a while and everything seems as it once used to be; I hold back my steps and cherish the moment. After all it is not everyday that it is yesterday once again.

Today was one of those erratic days at Golf when you create a miracle of sorts by getting a shot right! Exhausted after playing 9 holes of inexhaustible terrible shots, I was about to leave in a mood that'd have matched that of CPI (M) et al if the nuclear (unclear??) deal were to go through when I saw a very close friend of my grandfather's younger brother sitting in the club house. He's a regular golfer and a very reputed doctor and surgeon.

As courtesy calls for I went and paid my regards after introducing myself as his friend's grandson. The way his eyes twinkled with joy stopped me from turning around and leaving and my legs got fixed to the ground. I did not know what to do and all I could manage was to smile and sit down.

The elderly gentleman with a deliberate and seasoned voice began to recount the days he spent with his friend, my grandfather's younger brother (whom I shall now refer to as my grandfather only). When he started I almost cursed the day, surrendered to my fate of sitting and listening to a long discourse on "those were the days" kind of banter which usually the oldies indulge in.

However, within a minute I was captivated by what he was saying and it appeared as if he could actually visualise in motion picture what he was narrating to me. He began with 1950's and recalled how he, my grandfather and another common friend of theirs used to sit for hours together and share jokes over endless cups of teas. Both my grandfather and the common friend are no more, the latter having died in 1972 itself while my grandfather expired three years back. He recounted leaving for America in the late 50's for higher studies and returning only to settle in Banaras in the 70's. When their common friend was breathing his last in a hospital in Patna, he recalled driving all the way from Banaras to Patna through the night to meet him. But by the time he arrived the friend had slipped into unconsciousness and then in a couple of hours passed away in sleep. His eyes almost became moist recalling the last tea session when the trio had together way back in 1959.

With eyes gazing into past he said that 50 years have gone by and much has changed. 50 years is a long time in the transformation of a nation, he added, and it is almost like an era in an individual's life.

He similarly recalled operating upon my grandfather an year before his death. The operation theatre was the last time he saw my grandfather and even there he could not get to talk to him as my grandfather was sedated.

He suddenly went back to his childhood. He said he was about 10-11 years old when Mahatama Gandhi launched the Quit India movement on the 09th of August 1942. He said even at that tender age he and his friends could feel the passion and excitement which had swept through all of India. Some of his friends and he went and hoisted the Indian tricolor in the school premises. Later in the evening police came from the Dariyapur Police Station to arrest the Principal. On getting the news all the students gheraoed the policemen. Seeing that they were outnumbered, the police pleaded the students to allow them to discharge their duties with the promise to discharge their Headmaster the next morning, and the next day they kept their words. However, within a week riot of sorts broke out and a lot of govt. property was burnt down, police and people clashed, many people were detained and many more went missing never to be found again.

He said Gandhi and all were fine at their place, its o.k. now to speak about how we attained our freedom through non violence, but he asserted, freedom was not free of bloodshed. Passionately he went on to tell me how our generation would never be able to appreciate independence in the spirit befitting of it.

Coming back to the present almost as if snapping out of a dream he angrily condemned the Communist party, accusing them of sabotaging India's future at the behest of their pro China ideology. He also criticised the current Govts. contrasting them with the earlier determined lots like the ones headed by people like Jawahar Lal Nehru and Lal Bahadur Shastri who really wanted to do something for the nation.

In the end he nostalgically added how he misses his friends and what he would not give to relive those days when he used to sit and share jokes with his friends over tea- An era of his life that has now gone by but etched in his memory to remain with him forever. His disconnected but flowing thoughts compelled me to author this blog and share his life with everybody. I am sure I'll be reading this blog time and again with a cup of tea in my hand!

Of decisions and faith...

Sometimes the path you are on is not as important as the direction you are heading towards

It is not easy, let me assure you, for me to face people when they confront me with the dreaded question "After engineering..LAW??" The best of my repartees and wits fail before this query and I somehow unjustifiably feel hit below the belt. I really don't have a convincing explaination and I have tried a variety of them and each time they have failed to satisfy even me.

Does that mean I made a wrong decision? No would still be my answer and with ever more conviction and not with even a shred of false pride. My detractors would now ask if I cannot convince myself about a decision then how can I continue to stand by it only for the sake of it. I really don't have an answer to that too but I feel there are some things best left to stand the test of time, to be ultimately judged by the results. I believe it is not always the action, which can be categorically termed right or wrong in the absolute sense of the words. When an action evolves from a deep rooted faith in the heart it is both difficult to explain its cause and would be grossly unfair to judge it. They can only be in retrospect either criticised or appreciated based on the results they produce and not on the basis of the action in isolation itself.

I find solace in newspapers when I read about Mother Teresa having once gone through the stage where she felt a loss of faith, but as the papers further added this only made her resolve to follow the path of God and faith even stronger. I feel that is what I am going through. I also draw inspiration from Steve Jobs of Apple fame. Many decisions in his life which seemed erratic and careless at that time led to make him the legend that he's become. While delivering his commencement speech to the graduates of Stanford University in 2005, he articulates the turning points in his life and in the end gives his hallmark message to stay poor stay hungry .

Maybe, many people would feel (and not say to my face) that under the garb of a strong conviction I am foolishly hanging on to a wrong decision and that my ego or false pride is not allowing me to make amends till there is still time. But I feel even if that is true I am learning to honour my decisions because only then others would respect them. The day I retract from my decision would be the day I would feel like a coward and more than anything I'll lose faith in myself which would be the day of my harakiri.